Attila - Ten and a Half Hour Sponsored Gig - Keep the Albion Alive and Kicking
Sunday, 28 November 2004
12 noon - 10.30pm
Evening Star, Surrey Street, Brighton

Most of you will know that I am the Poet in Residence, PA announcer and DJ at Brighton & Hove Albion FC, the football club I have supported all my life. Many of you, I know, enjoy my stuff despite the football, not because of it. But here I'm asking for everyone's support, as friends of popular culture, whether or not you like football. And it will be a laugh! Here's what's happening. (If you don't know the story of our battle to save the Albion already and want to know what you're supporting, read the bit at the end of this page.) Firstly: I am doing a marathon non-stop SPONSORED GIG in aid of Brighton & Hove Albion FC's ' Keep the Albion Alive & Kicking Fund' on Sunday November 28th at my local, the Evening Star in Surrey Street, Brighton, 2 minutes' walk from Brighton Station.

I'll be doing all the material I have ever done, 24 years' worth, and it will be great to see you at any time. It's the first time I have ever done this....

Secondly: on January 3rd 'Seagulls Ska' are releasing a new version of the Piranhas' classic ska football hit 'Tom Hark' with new lyrics penned and sung by yours truly, in an Otway style attempt to take our campaign for our new stadium at Falmer into the Top 10. It will be marketed by our main club sponsor, Skint Records. More below.


Sun 28 November, Evening Star, Surrey Street, Brighton
Starts: 12 noon ≠ opening time.
Ends: 10.30pm ≠ closing time.
It's free to get in, but there will be a very large sponsorship bucket in attendance!

If you feel like sponsoring me, you can do so by the hour or for the whole gig, either by contacting me ( or by turning up on the day. Sponsorship forms are also in the Albion Club Shop and the Evening Star. If you're coming and you're a fan of another club, how about wearing your team colours?

The Dark Star Brewery, based at the Evening Star, have brewed a special 'Attila's 10 1/2 Hours' beer and are donating a large barrel of it so your beer money will go to the Albion too! (thanks Rob!)

In addition to hours of my stuff, from 1980 to 2004, there will be some special bits.

3-4 pm will be Albion Hour: all my Albion poems and songs, finishing of course with 'Goldstone Ghosts' (for the past) and 'Tom Hark' (for the future, see below)

4-5 pm will be REQUESTS. Anything considered, however unspeakable, as long as the Albion are well rewarded. Sliding scale. The worse the song, the more the pledge has to be. Currently leading in this section are Paul Samrah, who has put up £50 for me to do 'The Logical Song' by Supertramp, Richard Hebbard, Chief Security Officer at the Albion, £50 to do 'Mistletoe and Wine' by Cliff Richard, and £30 from Alan Wares to do ≥Hopelessly Devoted To You' from 'Grease' (all of which I'll be doing accompanied by my wife Robina on piano.!)

7-8pm I'll be doing some songs with various members of my band Barnstormer (hampered by the silly 2 in a bar rule but we'll get round it) including our Renaissance/medieval material.

8-9pm Selections from the work of some of my favourite poets (Hilaire Belloc, Roger McGough, Adrian Mitchell, JCC) and some weird cover versions of classic songs!

And all the way through, of course, hours of my own stuff, old and new. Hope to see you there!

The Set List

Holiday in Albania Burn It Down Factory Gods World War Three Fifth Column Flappin' In The Wind Spare A Thought Midas The Grand Amsterdam Spencers Croft Cat (Tribute to Peelie) A Bang & a Wimpy I Don't Talk To Pop Stars Pap Music For Wreck People Foyer Bar Gentlemen of the Wrist Nigel Wants to Go To C&A's Every Time I Eat Vegetables Contributory Negligence Nigel wants to go and see Simple Minds My Wardrobe The Night I Slept With Seething Wells Steven Nigel Wants to Join The SAS The Oracle Video Nazis A Letter From Nigel's Mum Andy is a Corporatist Cocktails Nigel's Revenge Sawdust and Empire Recession I'm So Miserable............ 40 Years Ayatollah Wallah The Diggers' Song The Liggers' Song Bogies from His Nose The Ace Of Spades (as done by Jean Paul Sartre) Radio Rap Awayday The Perils Of Stealing Half A Bottle Of Wine They Must Be Russians Russians in the DHSS Russians in McDonald's Albanian Football A Very Silly East European Propaganda Station Russians at the Henley Regatta Russians on the Centre Court Russians versus the Tetley Bittermen Death In Bromley A Day In The Life Livingstone Rap Xenophobia Doggy On A String Worthing Beach Australian Decomposition ALBION HOUR The Albion Centenary Poem A Symptom Of Modern Society (for Wrexham) We Want Our Game Back Abramovich's Donkey Sanctuary To the Good People of Mellor Archer Out Rap! Archer's Shame Bellotti - Passed Over, Sadly Not Passed On Retrospective Abortion Reinelt, 62 The Worm & The Archer The Wombles of Withdean Five Wins In A Row Flashbacks From 'Nam Fishy A Hull In My Heart (for Fatboy Slim) Leagues Apart Sounds of the Seventies (Ninian Park) Cheaterfield! Another Football Obscenity (for Northwich Vics) The Shots Are Shut Making History (Aldershot, FA Cup) An Empty Seat (for Karen) The Board's Prayer Green with a Blue Rinse Decision Time Falmer Pond Pierless Shooting Star (for Bobby Zamora) Poem for a Cheat (for Andy Rammell) N-n-n-nine nil (Selhurst Park remix of 'N-n-nineteen) Roll Up For The Donkey Derby Poetry in Promotion Old Brighton Blue Goldstone Rap And Smith Must Score....(Gary Bailey's Legs) Tom Hark Sussex By The Sea Goldstone Ghosts REQUESTS Hopelessly Devoted To You Mistletoe & Wine Logical Song Now Or Never D.I.S.C.O. Son Of My Father Haider! Between The Wars All Tomorrow's Parties My Nightmare (Andy's poem) Beer Gardening My Poetic License Asylum Seeking Daleks Supermodel New World Order Rap The Social Surrealist Weapons Inspectors' Report Letter to Saddam Crime Writer Shed Fire Southwick Don't Dis The Hood Slough To Slough & Sanity Belgium Worthing Harrogate Stornoway Canada Braintree Iron Men Of Rap Trainspotter Rap A Solitary Tune Rappin' Mole Tell Sid... Joseph Porter's Sleepinge Bagge The Final Ablution The Quaggish Quilt Shirley Porter's Sleepinge Bagge Punk Night at the Duck's Nuts Frogspawn Man versus the Boy Racers Carriage H The Bible According to Rupert Murdoch A Sugared Dish Language Barrier Zen Stalinist Manifesto Valentine's Day Ces Gens La Bruxelles This Is Free Europe The Pen & The Sword Hey Celebrity Sawdust & Empire The Ballad of Comrade Enver Designated Areas Comic in a Basket The Mandelson Violin Concerto The British Bullfrog The Rat Tailed Maggot The Maggot The Crayfish The Lugworm The Slug The Axolotl The Lemming The Don't Care Bear The Marxist Tomato Grower This Means Waugh Rogered! Glastonbury Toilet Poem Welcome to Cyberia Europe Use of English Effineff WITH BARNSTORMER Worms The Torchbearer March of the Levellers/Diggers/WTUD Market Sektor One The One That Got Away Cheering the Plough The Siege of Shoreham Comandante Joe Baghdad Ska Tyler Smiles Death of a Salesman Blandford Forum Scumball Pinochet Guy Fawkes' Table Game Boy/Rude Boy Song For The Defeated The Ghost Road Another Country Old Teenagers I Won't Run Away THE COVERS Jim (Hilaire Belloc) Matilda (Hilaire Belloc) Henry King (Hilaire Belloc) Jabberwocky I Married A Monster From Outer Space (JCC) Clash Medley T.Rex Medley Streets of Forbes (Weddings Parties Anything) The Colours (Men They Couldn't Hang) Island In The Rain (Men They Couldn't Hang) The Newshound (TV Smith) The Suit (TV Smith) The Green Fields of France (Eric Bogle) California Uber Alles (Dead Kennedys) All the Madmen (David Bowie) North Korea Mourns Comrade Mickey Finn of T.Rex Dialectical Materialism, T.Rex & the Chinese Reposessed By The Devil Victoria Road April Fool In September The Bard of All England 20 Years Sarajevo Mohammed The Kabul Red What's The Difference? Blood for Oil/Oil Power Bunter's Revolution Camelot By Numbers A Nasal Appraisal Hole Poem Libyan Students From Hell! Just One Life NO ENCORE!


The plan is simple. In the first week of January, right after the Xmas holiday, very few singles are released by the major companies and you need to sell relatively few to get in the Top 20. So we aim to get Brighton's campaign for our new stadium into the charts and onto Top Of The Pops with the backing of our club sponsor Skint Records, thousands of Albion fans, and loads of other people from all over the country! Hopefully you! To keep down distribution costs, the single will be available at 10 designated shops in Sussex and ONLINE via HMV Online and Presales will start early in December and we aim to get as many presales as possible ≠ the more the presales, the bigger the impact. When presales are ready to start, I'll let everyone know where you can order it if you want to.

Here are the sleeve notes which explain it all:

1. TOM HARK (We Want Falmer!) (Bopeape/Baine/Grover)
2. SUSSEX BY THE SEA (Singalong Version) (Traditional)
3. SUSSEX BY THE SEA (Instrumental Version) (Traditional)

A few weeks ago we had the idea of reclaiming the Piranhas' national football ska hit 'Tom Hark' for Brighton with new lyrics in support of our stadium, with the dual aim of raising money for the Albion's Alive & Kicking Fund and trying to get the Falmer For All Campaign into the Top 20! The Piranhas were Brighton through and through, in the forefront of the local punk scene in the late Seventies and early Eighties. Many of us have very fond memories of their gigs at legendary Brighton venues like the Vault and the Alhambra and it has always seemed quite ironic to me to hear their song blasting out from other clubs' PA systems and chanted by opposing fans.

So as part of the campaign for our new stadium at Falmer our new version of 'Tom Hark' will be released on January 3rd along with a seriously ska version of our beloved anthem 'Sussex By The Sea' - and the alternative 1990 Cup Final song for our rivals 'Crystal' Palace!


In 1997 Brighton's Goldstone Ground was sold by an opportunistic moneyman called Archer, who gained control of the majority shareholding in a cynical asset stripping operation. We played our last game there on April 26 of that year. I, and many others, battled hard and long to get rid of Archer and his cronies and install a board who loved the club. We eventually succeeded, with Dick Knight, who is a true fan and a great chairman, taking the helm, but our ground had gone.

For 2 years we played 'home' matches at Gillingham, 70 miles away: it was at that point that I became PA announcer and DJ, to try and bring a sense of 'home' to the dedicated fans who would travel 140 miles to watch a very poor side, with no money, at the bottom of the whole League. Huge pressure from thousands of fans forced the local council to find us a temporary home in Brighton, at an athletics stadium, Withdean, in the leafy suburbs of our city. It has a capacity of 7,000. We've been there for the last 5 years. It's nowhere near big enough. Every week, the club loses money. Years ago we made a planning application for a new stadium near Brighton University at Falmer, the only feasible place in this crowded area ≠ bounded, remember, by the sea and the Downs ≠ with overwhelming support from the local community, 66% supporting us in a referendum on the issue. But pressure from local residents meant it was called in for a public enquiry and the planning process has dragged on, and on, and on, costing the club over £2 million while we struggle on in a ridiculously small stadium, losing money every week. We suspect that the local NIMBYs are just trying to delay things until the club goes bust. Desperate for funds, we have launched the 'Keep the Albion Alive & Kicking Campaign' where fans donate/raise money to keep the club afloat. The final part of the planning enquiry starts in February, after which there must be a decision ≠ that's why we are putting out the single in January, to gain maximum publicity.

Please support us, thanks!